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Christmas Cake

This recipe is a bit of fun for us all to know what NOT to do when making our Christmas cakes!



  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup butter
  • 2 teaspoons BP
  • 1 cup white sugar
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 4 large eggs
  • lemon juice
  • 2 cups dried fruit
  • 2 tsp.salt
  • mixed nuts
  • 1 FULL bottle of your favourite whisky.


Quality Whisky!


Most important:

  • Sample the whisky to check for quality.
  • Take a large bowl (preferably to the kitchen). Check whisky again if slightly unsure of quality: pour one level cup and drink.
  • Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
  • Make sure the whisky is OK .Try another tup.
  • Turn off the mixer, Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of fried duit. Mix on the turner.
  • If the fried duit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with screwdriver.
  • Sample whisky for tonsisticity.
  • Next shift two cups of salt or something. Who cares?
  • Now sit the lemon juice and chop your nuts.
  • Add one tableshpoon of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
  • Check no-one hash 'doctored' the whisky...
  • Grease the oven. Turn the cake to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat the turner.
  • Throw the bowl out of the window.
  • Go to bed.

Who the heck likes fruit cake anyway????!

Taken from an original 'doctored' recipe with apologies.

(Best read out loud by someone who has just been to an office party!)

N.B  I would just like to add that the main photo is the super Christmas cake my sister, Margaret James made in 2013- this was ALL eaten!! (Jan)

Meet The Author...
Joy Lennick
Who Am I?

Most important 'jobs:' wife and mother to three sons. Hooked on reading and writing from a young age (wrote a simple play in junior school: acted on the stage). Joined the library at seven and that was it; the love affair continues...

First worked as a junior secretary, then secretary. Favourite job: A publishing company, Kaye & Ward in the City of London.

Apart from the odd poem, letter and article in magazines, and one poem read on Bournemouth radio, had various poems published in anthologies and won a few prizes. Ran my own Poetry Club for a while. Published: Celtic Cameos & Other Poems.

Factual books published: Running Your Own Small Hotel, & Jobs in Baking & Confectionery (Kogan Page Ltd., London), Updated two other author's books. As Biographer:Hurricane Halsey (True adventure), Memoir: My Gentle War; Faction novel: The Catalyst. Several short stories published in WordPlay anthologies (one winning lst prize through 'Writing' magazine as the best writing circle anthology of 2012 in the UK). A Group Leader for Creative Writing for the U3A group in Torrevieja, Spain.
More 'marinating...'

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