While the cat's away, the mice will do all the work. She only went on Friday evening and I'm knackered already.
I know women like to claim that they do everything about the house, but it's not true. If it was there wouldn't be enough time in a forty-eight-hour day to get through it all, even taking into account the fabled multi-tasking element. In our house we share the workload. She does the cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc and I do the worrying about how we're going to fix Syria, global warming and gun crime.
My remit also includes sorting out all the technical stuff, like replacing light switches, power sockets and wireless door chimes. I change washers and put up the neon Santa sleigh and icicle lights at Christmas too.
I'm also the ideas man
It was my idea to knock out the chimney breast, (all the way up to the roof.) I followed that up by instructing the builder to build a porch and demolish part of the wall at the front of the house to give us a far bigger reception area. It was my idea to knock out the double windows and fit French doors in the lounge, and my idea to build the extension that ended up having so many new ideas added throughout its construction that it took almost a year to finish.
(What a feature rich extension it is though, and as it also doubles up as my workshop, I felt that I should be allowed some input.)
The fact that the builder walked off site every other day claiming he'd, 'had enough,' didn't help with the schedule.
I also had the idea of building the brick planters on the front garden - the planters in which nothing would grow for almost three years - the planters that took a bucket load of ‘genuine,’ lion poo to stop all the village cats from using as a toilet - the planters that began to look more like the horticultural delight they were designed to be soon after the three years’ worth of cat droppings had been removed. I think they look far more modern than those boring, golf-green lawns and flower beds we used to have. The missus will come to the same conclusion one day, I’m sure of it.
Redesigned back garden
Many hours of cranial exercise went into the total redesign of the back garden. There was also many hours of back-breaking, hard labour involved in barrowing the thirty odd tons of soil and pea gravel through the new extension, (since we built it there’s no other way of getting round to the back of the house.)
The missus grumbled that it was my fault; I don’t know what she had to moan about, I did all the labouring. She merely stuck a few plants, shrubs and solar lights in the ground when the hard work had been done.
It was yours truly that had the bright idea of installing the twelve-foot-long, FM/Digital ariel that soars above our roof like a receiving antennae at GCHQ, but gives us such perfect quality DAB radio reception. When we start to listen to it more than twice a year we will reap the benefits, I'm sure.
The towering ariel!
The computer networking cable points I installed into every room of the house, (now rendered obsolete by Wi-Fi,) worked well for the six months they were employed, though I have to admit that the network point in the downstairs lavatory was unnecessary.
A computer worktop??
I have come up with many other ideas over the years that were never taken up for some reason. There’s the one I had about ripping out the bath for a start. It made a lot of sense too; we have an excellent power-shower and I never use the bath, so it was redundant for 50% of bathing time.
I bet the guy who invented cat's eyes wasn't given an emphatic, ‘NO,’ when he first brought the subject up with his wife
I get that response quite a lot, (not just to my bathroom improvement idea). Genius is seldom understood.