I wrote ‘At My Expense’ during the first days of the MPs expenses scandal in 2009.
It was first published on my website where it obviously struck a chord with readers as my inbox was inundated with posts that ranged from the humorous to the irate. I did not however, receive one dissenting voice, which surprised me as it is a satirical poem and people do have different views our politicians.
I put in a claim for expenses,
The boss said I asked for too much.
He said. 'You can't claim for the light bulbs.'
I said. 'You are right out of touch.'
Look at our MPs expenses
then look at what you give me.
They get to claim for security locks,
I can't even claim for the key.
MPs get to claim for two houses,
some of them claim up to three.
If I try to claim for a biro,
You give me the third degree.
I'd love to own a nice duck house,
with a man to clean up the lake.
But when I claim for some Wellington boots,
you reckon that I'm on the make.
I'd like to watch adult movies,
and send all the bills in to you.
But the tax man says I can't do that,
He's turning me all shades of blue.
The hedges at my house need pruning,
my garden shed needs some repair.
I'd flip my houses for capital gain,
But I need to get hold of a spare.
You see where I put travel items?
I'm claiming for buses to work
I know I don't have all the tickets,
This really is starting to irk.
MPs don't have to use paper receipts,
For them it's a matter of trust.
They say that they haven't abused their own rules,
and they're only just making a crust.
Gordon Brown claimed for a cleaner
Cameron claimed for his pile.
All of them claimed they weren’t breaking the rules,
You have to admire their style.
I only claimed for some coffee
and a meal or two out with a client.
I didn't claim for a chauffeur, or maid
I claimed for my Robin Reliant.
Can I just claim for the stationary then?
and the parcels I sent to Madrid?
MPs get forty grand, office expenses.
Can't I just claim twenty quid?