Celebrity Rules is a poem about the ridiculous celebrity culture that we have allowed to proliferate over the past thirty years.
X-Factor winners now seem to have more influence over us than our elected politicians. The piece was originally meant to be a satirical essay but as my initial notes were jotted down, a poem began to emerge, so I went with the flow.
We need to be rid of the people who rule, they've no self respect left to sell,
And as celebrity now rules the media, let’s let it govern as well.
The worm’s turned at last, let's select a new cast, it's time to get rid of the vultures.
We’ll kick out the peers, with catcalls and jeers and adopt the celebrity culture.
And though payment for services would be the norm, we’ll already know that they charge to
Already expensive, when they say that they need, expenses, we’ll know it isn’t just greed.
We'll all be excited at seeing the glamour, for PMQ's thousands would queue up and clamour,
to hear what they thought of the day’s major issues, we'll listen intently and cry into tissues,
as they warn that we need more MP’s apartments, since Madonna adopted the children’s department.
For armed forces minister, choose Captain Sharpe, he's tall, brave, handsome and steady,
and for foreign sec, I'd have both Ant and Dec, cos they talk a strange language already.
Chris Tarrant would make a great chancellor, he's tall and blond, clean cut and funny
He can easily handle a domestic scandal and he knows when to hand out the money.
For culture there’s nice Richard Madeley, he could job share with Judy, his wife
Esther could help get the message across, when we moaned she could tell us; That’s Life.
The Home Secretary’s job goes to Forsythe; he’d clean up the place and the onus,
would be on quick feet, for the plod on the street or they’d forfeit their big Brucie bonus.
So who would we choose for the top job? Who’d put an end to the sleaze?
Who could take on the mantle of change? There’s just one contender, John Cleese.
With JC running the country, we’d no longer need a Guy Fawkes,
With Python in power; we’d get happy hours and a ministry of silly walks.