My wifes friend at work was going on about how her hubby could make up a poem out of anything. My wife, not to be outdone, said I could too. So I was set a challenge, to come up with a poem that contained two statements of fact.
One, that the world record carrot, grew to nineteen feet in length. Two, Tomato's keep growing, even after they have been picked. I had until the next morning to complete the challenge. The look on her face told me I had better not fail. Now, I don't know if the two, 'facts,' are genuine, but on the assumption that they are, I came up with this.
My wife's friend declared me the winner.
My wife is a bit of a gardener,
and last week she said, 'can we go,
to see who wins all the prizes,
at the flower and vegetable show?'
Now I'm not one for looking at marrows
or gazing at plants in a pot.
But when she said, 'there's a giant veg sideshow,'
I was out to the car like a shot.
We looked at some peas and some turnips,
we passed by the beans and the cress,
the lettuce was lovely, the beets were sublime,
but the leeks were a bit of a mess.
We found a big tent that said, 'Giants,'
and joined a long queue to get in.
The man on the door checked our passes
and rattled his charity tin.
The pumpkins were really enormous.
The leeks came right up to my thigh,
a nineteen foot carrot was laid on the floor,
with a three ton potato, nearby.
A judge was stood judging tomatoes.
He picked one, then sniffed, as he said,
'This bloody thing here ain't a giant,
I've grown bigger myself in my shed.'
He put the tom down on a table,
and pulled out his measuring tape,
but when he turned back, his eyes were agog
He looked at the tom, mouth agape.
While it had sat on the table
the tomato had doubled in size
he said, 'did you see that tomato?
it grew right in front of my eyes.'
The tomato got big as a pumpkin
then tripled in size once again
The judge stepped back as the table went crack
and snapped in half, under the strain.
The people ran out as the monster tom grew,
till it took all the space in the tent,
and then it blew up with an almighty splat.
It really was quite an event.
The people went home quite delighted
with only one tale on their lips.
About how they got covered in puree,
and the town hall got splattered with pips.